He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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