I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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