Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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