Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
