Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
