Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she peed on how many people?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
