I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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