So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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