My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
