I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
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