We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
