standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
