I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
