i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
