dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There's always time for handjobs
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
