fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
