3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
