nut hugger
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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