Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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