Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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