I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
