Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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