I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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