Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
