as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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