Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
