Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
