Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
