Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
