Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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