New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
this is an emotional support booty call
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
