i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
