I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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