thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Someone came in the potted fern
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
