We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
