Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
