I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
