Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
