Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
