one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
