I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
