yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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