im having a threesome with these popsicles
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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