I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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