I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
