She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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