i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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