I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
