We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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