why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
