In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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