Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
