i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
