did you get engaged???
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
