I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
