you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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