what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
