Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The adults are the big ones right?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
