Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
