I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
