meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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