So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize