i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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