is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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