i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
