McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
