Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
