Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
