A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
