can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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