she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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