its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
