Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
