thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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