please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
