i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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