I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
