Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
